this weekend was pretty good.
we had Kelsey over on Saturday night and we went out for dinner and then came back here for dessert. ( a lovely and delicious apple crisp if I do say so myself) and the Lar and Alex and Selah came over for dinner on Sunday. (a sumptuous meal of sweet curry chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, and veggies) ( I asked jerm if he thought about how lucky he was that he scored a girl who can cook, and tears welled up in his eyes and he said 'i love you, you make my life more than wonderful', ...um no that is not what happened ...he laughed and then said 'yeah you could of ended up cooking like me.' ) thanks anyway.
I have found myself very discontented living here in the suburbs of Calgary.Jerm and I have been talking a lot lately about what we want out of life (and it is not like we have not had these discussions many times before but things and people change, especially when you get married young and we always just want to be up to speed on these things about each other) But I feel like I have narrowed down what I want out of life to about three things.
I either want a simple life lived in the midst of community re: the only place we can get that is living in Duchess and I would not mind that for a few years at least until our kid (s) are done school but that is really not going to happen as per Jerm's job description.
or I want to live in the middle of the city where everything is going on and you feel as if you are a part of some larger stream of things and can get a pulse on what the mood and atmosphere is in the lager aspect of society (living in the burbs I get to see what other moms are up to and so far it seems that it is a competition of who has the cutest baby, most brand name baby products and stroller that cost at least $1000. yikes. )But the inner city is even more expensive than the suburbs. hummf.
or I want some adventure.
so Jerm and I have been looking into going away for 6 months to a year on some sort of humanitarian deal of a kind, and he is looking into overseas jobs. But it is a little more complicated with a baby. We have never been able to travel ( or really do what we want because we have always been in massive student loan and other debt, but that is about 90% paid off and will be totally paid off by the summer) so now we can do something because we will not have monthly payments to make. But if we go somewhere and Jerm works that is all well and good for him but what am I going to do all day long? If we are in a 1st world country that will be no problem Evie and I will just explore and hang out, but we can't do that in a developing nation and then what am I supposed to do? I can't just volunteer because I don't really have much free time during the day.
anyway so there are our three options. all of them impossible. or near impossible. But right now we have none of them. no community, no adventure and no inner city living. And I keep thinking we only have one life why waste even one more year somewhere where neither of us wants to be. we are just stuck and I am not sure what to do or where to go. I am feeling very unsatisfied with life in general at this point. It is hard to admit but I just don't know what to do.
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