shoes

what made last night even worse
was that i did not wear sensible shoes
my feet felt like bloody stumps at the end.
this morning i will use my handy foot massager michelle
gave me.
horray!!!!

endings

Amongst the vending machines and year old magazines
in a place where we only say good-bye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories
depend on a faulty camera in our mind
But I knew that you were a truth that I would rather lose
than to have never lain beside at all.
-Death Cab for Cutie

i have friends where i have found truth and beauty.
They are people who with out knowing it
have transformed me.

last night i said good-bye to some of these people

For the first time in my life i feel as if i have lost something beautiful
in friends that i can never get back

they are all going off and starting masters programs and universities around the country
and i am here.

i feel as if they have walked off with dreams
and have plans and goals
and i am lost

it was grad last night
and i think it will be my last official function that i participate in with the College
it was an end for all of us
yet they walked away with a degree
and i walked away empty

i tell myself that my plans are not lost
they are just on hold for a few years
i hope that when the time comes for me
to pick them up again
i will have the courage
to follow through

my friends are gone and i will miss the comfort of their presence
what can be said about a night like last night
when an entire piece of my world passed out of my grasp
and i have no choice but to move on

hmpph

So I am sick again.
I made it half way to work and then had to turn around because I was about to throw up all over myself in the car. no fun.
I made it home but I think this may be more than just morning sickness comming back . I think I have to flu.
I am so sick of being sick.
my immune system is shot.
and I am germ velcro.

Some good news.
My friend michelle has solved the smelly feet problem in my life,
no she did not get me new non stink holding shoes
she bought me a water foot massager
horray!!!!
She also knitted a blanket for the baby,
but I am so glad my friends know it is just as important to get me a gift as it is
to get a gift for a baby who does not even know it is getting a gift

so today I plan on soaking my feet in between bouts of sickness.
sounds like a good day.
no not really
i hope i can eat something today.

boring

I have the most boring blog on the face of the planet but I am too tired to care
I keep thinking I will update it with all the things going on in my life but every evening
I say, I'll do it tommorow

so I have started work again

frick my feet stink
I think I need new shoes
non stink holding ones

this is my new strategy
just say whatever comes to my mind
it seems to work for other blogs that get
regularly up dated

I am also writing my blogs in non- prose style
which seems to work for random thoughts a little better
I like it this way

I am so tired tonight
I left work earlier today after reading the same sentance about 4 times and not absorbing anything.
my brain is full of historical/interpretive skills development info that I am trying to fit into the training schedule for our summer staff

but it does feel good to be back at work
to be needed, busy, and knowlegable
I like my job

I think I will just change my socks.

still snowing. still sick.

ok so.
I haven't updated for a while.
That is due to many factors.
most of which include me throwing up most every day.
and getting another cold.
which makes two in the span of umm lets say one month.
I guess the reason for the throwing up is obvious
or it will be in another month or so
but most of you know there is a new Ramer on the way.
horray!