christmas steve will find me, where the love lights shine

so Evie has been dealing with eczema for a while now and for a baby that is tough. Plus it has been all around her face circling her eyes and mouth, and her skin is always raw and irritated. So we went to get her some food allergy testing ( and me as well because my eczema was raging all over my arms and hands ) and it turns out that she has sensitives to Dairy, yeast, wheat and sugar and so am I. So that leaves nothing to eat. Haha, no I am just joking. Some members of my family deal with various food allergies and they eat this way all the time, we have been heading down that path for about the last year now but needed something to take the plunge. Evie having food sensitivies did it for me. So she is totally off bread, dairy and other various things. Her face started to clear up within days of this. She is also on a heavy dose of probiotic bacteria. She likes goats milk, and we have no yeast added kamut bread with olive oil and natural peanut butter for breakfast. We have switched all of our pasta to rice pasta. There is a world of food out there for people with allergies and most of it far healthier than what we were eating before. (we can still eat the old stuff, just not too much of it so don't be afraid to invite us to your houses for dinner)
it is strange how food conscious I became when Evie started eating with us, and now even more. It feels good to know I am taking care of myself and her.
(jerm is still not totally on board, he likes his toast and butter)

a tooth! a tooth! My kingdom for a tooth!

So Evie cut her first tooth this weekend. Yes you heard me, her first tooth. She is 14 months old and this is her first tooth. It is a relief, I had this strange thought that maybe she would never get teeth and then we would have to buy dentures for a 5 year old. She did well enough without teeth, even taking hunks of chicken and beef and gumming them down to swallowable pieces. I am sure going to miss that gummy smile.

This weekend was the butt. All three of us were sick. Evie and I had been sick most of the week and then on friday night I was taken down again, an on saturday Jerm succumbed to illness. So we spent the weekend laying on the couch watching movies and just relaxing and playing with Evie. We all have colds. But I guess there was not much else we could have done this weekend while living in the north pole.

sure can start

so so so
I have been tagged to share my influences

1. RMC- specifically Dr. Joyce Peasgood, who took me from a world of black and white to a world of colour
2. Jeremy. It is kind of weird that I have known my husband since I was just a teenager. I have grown up in his presence and he has taught me what a person of character, intelligence, peace and kindness looks like and lives like.
3. The movies- I know that if I ever meet a future version of myself the space time continuum might be interrupted and I may find myself in an alternate future. I also know that Irish catholic firefighters lead the bravest, richest, fullest lives.
4. Theology- the intellectual pursuit of God
5. Spirituality- Combined with the above this is the pursuit of my life. The very central thing I know I am to do on this planet is to study these two things and let them seep into every area of my mind and soul. This is where I found myself. This is who I am called to be.

your lips taste better than your hair

'shall we talk to our friends today, it would be so much fun to talk in such a friendly way until the day is done.'

that phrase is playing over and over and over in the background as Evie got a phone that calls winnie the pooh. horray!

we went to the zoo today, it was a really good day.
we have tried to go to the zoo as often as possible this fall, so we have been going about every other week. It is a really great place to hang out. If you are looking for evidence that Calgary is going through a baby boom just go to the zoo on a weekday.

mon-day bloody mon-day

oh wait
that's Sunday.

well I am finally back home. I was in Brooks for about 2 weeks just making the rounds visiting and such. I had not been home for a few months and felt like I needed a long visit.
Evie and I have been grocery shopping this morning
now she is napping and I am painting my toenails purple.
Evie is now 1
it seems it does not agree with her as she has decide that now would be a good time to start throwing temper tantrums
sometimes she screams and sometimes she just flops onto the floor. The flopping is funny, the screaming not so much.
she is also turned around in a toddler car seat and she seems to not enjoy this as much as she did her backwards baby car seat. I can tell by the random blood curdling screams that she does not like the sun in her eyes so much.

call the coast guard

so Evie and I went swimming today.
We try to go swimming every week, there is a parent and tot cheep swim at Cardel Place which is by our house. Normally it is $11 to swim and Evie is free, but on parent and tot day (mon. and wed. mornings) I am free and Evie is $3.75. Cheaper is better.
Lar and Selah come with us every week too.
Evie is a strange little girl, she has absolutely no fear of the water she will just wade in until it is over her head and then try and sit down. When I yank her out she smiles and laughs and thinks it is a game. So she does it over and over. She also jumps off the edge into the water and goes under every time, she loves it and sits on the edge smiling and babbling to herself until I pull her off and into the water she goes again.
Apparently when I was 2 I jumped into a hotel pool by myself. I had no fear of the water. I was alright and this did not deter me from loving swimming. (I used to be a lifeguard) I have this image of an underwater pool light and I think that it stems from this incident. It must be my first memory.
Well it is good to know Evie has inherited my love for swimming hopefully she will be good at it. I have tried to teach Jerm to swim for about 8 years now and he just sinks (literally, he can't get the strokes and can't blow water out under the water, he come up sputtering every time) he tries hard but I have given up on him. I will turn my attention to our offspring to make sure they survive any water related disasters.

miss teen world my word

so Evie is sick today.
this is the very first time in her life she has been sick. I count that as a year long lucky streak. She is not too grumpy as long as she has some Tylenol in her. Other than that her sickness consists of rubbing her runny nose over everything and rubbing her face violently with her hands, nothing we can't handle.
I stood in line at superstore today for half a bloody hour to get groceries for dinner. Superstore and saturday night does not make for a great date.

it was the best of times it was the blurst of times

so jerm has started hockey again.
which is why I am sitting here alone at 10 on Thursday night.
I think I will go to bed.

I told jerm that he better really really enjoy hockey.
because it is bloody expensive
($400) a winter, for one game a week.
and I am alone while he goes out

last year he decided that he would not play hockey
well it was a good decision as we had a newborn, but this year with Evie in bed at 8 every night I guess there was no reason not to play.

you can buy new things but you can't buy a new party

Yes jerm, in response your comment I am, in fact, planning to get rid of you when you are 78. I don't think I could ever bring myself to be married to an octogenarian. I hope you have an even bigger life insurance policy then, cause I am planning to travel the world with our pool boy Ramirez after that. We will have pool boy by then won't we? Oh yeah lets get a pool boy.

paper anniversary?

what is the gift for 5 years?
wait a minute I'll look it up,
ok here we go it is...wood
hmmm.....

ok so, jerm did not carve my likeness into a tree like I requested for our official wooden anniversary gift, but he still has all year to do that so I am not worried.

we had a really fantastic time out. I is funny how before kids that would be a regular occurrence but after Evie ( A.E.) it seemed so much more precious and sweet and cherished. I guess if you eat cake all day you get a gut ache but it is even better on birthdays. I really like birthday cake, man it is a long time until my birthday, if anyone wants to bake me a cake....um I mean, yeah cake...its a good analogy.

I think Jerm and I have been 'together' for 9 years now. That is a long time, but sometimes I feel like I have always known him and been with him.
I kind of like him. Here is to another 50 years.

moderate condition

so the weekend is here....not that I do anything different on the weekend but it is still great that it is the weekend.
We will be spending the weekend at home.
this will be our first full weekend at home since June.

so we are going to celebrate our anniversary this weekend.
we're just going to go wild and crazy and do something we've never done before...dinner and a movie.
haha
well we are both too tired to think of anything more, and plus the munchkin is at home taking care of herself and she can't use the stove yet so we have to be back within 6 hours.
no...kelsey is going to babysit... horray!

well this is 5 years. I don't actually think we have ever celebrated our anniversary on the actual day. There has always been something going on to prevent it, so we will continue with the tradition of a month or so later celebrations.
I am not good with dates, I even forgot it was our anniversary last year until someone reminded me. I don't really get wrapped up in the whole 'romantic' thing. I am far too pragmatic, so a month or so later suits me just fine.

Everyone gets their head chopped off in the end

so we have been watching the show "The Tudors" and we have just finished season 2. I know how it end in advance, but it is still depressing to watch everyone get their head cut off.

Jerm dropped his keys on the upstairs bathroom floor this morning waking everybody up early. So Evie is content to run around and I am just waiting until she goes back to bed so I can too.
so tired.

Don't take your anger out on a persciption

well it is fall.
I am sort of glad the summer is over.
I love fall.

I like summer, I just don't like the incessant heat. I think my aversion to heat got worse last year while I was pregnant. That was just about the worst thing I ever went through.

Evie is walking now.
She seems to be a toddler before she is even one.
Her new tricks include: -clapping
- crawling under the table to get something and then standing up and hitting her head. You would think she would learn but she does this at least2 or 3 times a week, maybe it is all the head hitting that makes her forget.
-throwing all her food off her high chair tray when she is done eating, then when she is down trying to eat the food off the floor that she just threw down. She also rips her bib off, throws it down and then says 'uh-oh'


at least she is a pretty good dancer. That makes up for it. haha

so I have something to confess. I have a new love. Yes, that is right - a new love.
um....outlet malls.
so we went down to the States for a day and went to this mall in Tulalip Washington, right outside of Seattle.
best. place. ever.
an outlet mall the size of Chinook.
I got a pair of Khakis at the Gap for $6.00.
good deal. good deal.
That is all for now. Evie is done breakfast. More on White Rock later.

they're both here!

well I tried to do an entry yesterday but was interrupted by some random squealing child who broke into my house and ate half a watermelon.
ok the child did not do that
it was me who ate half the watermelon.
but the child was squealing
she is contentedly playing with a box right now
Evie does not get toys she gets boxes

well our trip to PEI was successful here are some of the highlights of the trip
- playing with Evie in the ocean
-avoiding the jellyfish is said ocean
-Eating my birthday lunch at Dalvay by the Sea (a posh hotel from the late 1800's)
-The cottage we stayed at was just beautiful. It was the cutest little cottage I ever saw, and was very happy to stay there
-Having most of the Ramer clan over for a BBQ at the cottage
-St. Dustans Basilica; I'm not Catholic but the place made me want to genuflect
-Province House: to see the very room that... held the ball that solidified the our founding fathers desire to unite. Yes, that is what I said...a ball. Our nation, our motherland was forged out of a party? Yes, yes it was.
-Visiting a different beach just about every day
-seeing Evie and Kate get to know each other a little bit more
- Having Evie's diapers so wet on the plane (the seat belt sign was on and we couldn't change them) that they wet through and when Jerm got up he had a big wet spot on his lap, it looked like he had peed himself on the plane.
- Paying $8 to see a hole in the ground
( we paid to see L.M. Montgomery's house, but it turned out it was just the foundation of the house that was left. So in essence we paid $8 to see a hole in the ground.)
-The beauty of PEI is almost hard to communicate. There are red cliffs that meet grey oceans, rolling green hills and trees as far as can be seen. It is truly a place of transcendent beauty.

A good time was had by all

your back! and your front, they

its pronounced nuculer

if there is one thing I have learned from watching the show 'Lost' it is that babies are really easy to take care of on deserted islands. They cry when there is dramatic tension but that is about it, all other times they are merely a bundle in a blanket. And as it turns out you don't need to feed them. What have I been doing wasting all this time and money feeding Evie? I wish I knew this when she was born.

tagg-ed?

so I was tagged by Jeremy and Lindsay

The idea is to share six unimportant things about myself and then to tag six other people to do the same thing.

Here are the rules:
1. Link back to the person who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. Share six unimportant things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your entry


ok here goes.....


1. I am currently addicted to Dristan Nasal Spray. So about once a year I get a bad cold and the only thing that relieves it is Dristan. Then I keep using it. The thing is that Dristan generates a cycle of stuffy noses so you need to keep using it and if you keep using it your nose stays stuffed. Well I have been using it every night since my last cold. The only way to quit is to do it cold turkey but that means a night of bad stuffy nose sleep. My name is Kristin and I am a dristanaholic.
2. I have never eaten a banana. I can't even stand the smell of them.
3. Speaking of smells, I have smelly feet. I mean rank. Well, only in the summer and only when I wear leather sandals. So if I come to your house in the summer and immediately ask to use the bathroom you can guess I am washing my feet so I don't fill your house with feet stank.
4. I really like to clean bathrooms. They can get so clean and shiny, it gives me such a sense of self satisfaction.
5. I obsessively clip my nails (fingers and toes)I can't stand any white on the end of my nails so they are always clipped as short as I can get them. I chew them when I am stressed out or nervous. I frequently have bleeding fingers during final exams.
6. And speaking of final exams, I have done around 5 years of university and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. haha.

there that is it. I tag Michelle, Mara, Elise and Lar
(if you don't want to do it on your blogs then you can do it in my comments)

it is a great way to keep your hair out of your face

yesterday I got really frustrated with my hair so I cut my bangs short again. I rather like it. I was at the mall yesterday and noticed that everyting in Old Navy for guys was 40% off so jerm met us there after work and he got some nice shorts. Actually he got 4 pairs of shorts. good deal. good deal. in other news all of my travel problems are solved by this handy little item.
it is a bottle that holds the powder formula in the top and water in the bottom. Just twist the top and shake. No more keeping the bottle cool and then trying to find a place to heat it up. This will make the 10 hours to PEI much easier. Its from a company called Phil and Teds they have some pretty cool stuff. Although I would not recommend ordering from their website as they are in New Zealand and shipping on 4 bottles was $85. Luckily I found them on an American web site that ships to Canada.
Evie has entered a stage where sitting is is just too boring. She can't crawl yet but seems to have much more interest in walking. All she wants to do is stand on the furniture and have me walk her around the house. She moves pretty fast for the length of her legs.

mixed cavalry

It seems that Evie and Jeremy have the same immune system. Evie has not actually been really sick since she was born. .........intermission to knock on every wood surface in the house......and Jeremy never gets sick either. At the most Evie has had a little runny nose for a day or two at a time. I always get what neither of them get, so I figure they share the same Ramer immune system whose antibodies are armed with tanks while mine are armed with mere wooden slingshots. *cough,cough, hack hack hack*

Sickly Sam I wish you would just go away

so I am sick again.
I have the beginnings of a cold. sore throat, aches, tired...oh so tired.
at least jerm came home on friday afternoon and took Evie out. I got to take a bath and they returned with movies and chocolate pudding and whipped cream. mmmm
I don't know why but when I get sick all I want to do is eat junk.
and I had a Nyquil induced oblivion sleep last night so I think that helped.

rip off the f key

so in the last 24 hours Evie has ripped a page out of a Berenstein Bears book and has ripped off the f key on the keyboard and I can't for the life of me get it back on. I never noticed how many times I use the letter F. Now I shall have to try to tailor my witting to exclude fs.
I was in superstore this morning. (Yeah that right I now get my grocery shopping done before 10:30 in the morning because Evie is up at 7 every day. ) This old Asian lady came up to me and smiled and said 'Nice baby." and I was about to say "thanks she is an 07 model." but I just said thanks. Now I am not really one to talk to strangers but it seems that whenever I have Evie with me it is an open invitation for random people to talk to you. Babies bring out the crazies. They also bring out the old ladies. I don't mind so much the old ladies it is just the crazies that I shrink back from. And on the other hand a lot of the time the two categories are combined. And then there are the other mothers of young children. I get a lot of 'cute baby, how old is she.' I am not really one to walk up to a complete stranger and comment on their babies or children and it always baffles me when other people do this.
My dad and sister and I were in the mall the other day and Selah, my niece, was walking behind up with my dad and my sister was pushing her empty stroller when this lady walks up to her and said,' where's your baby?'
Mothers lose their babies in the mall all the time and usually just keep walking with their empty strollers.

blog stall

so I am not dead.
I just have a case of the blog stall.
plus I have been so busy I just want to sit down and not get up again for another week.
but that is not going to happen
I will just say
that things are
well, tired
but alright.
My cousin came home from the hospital today. I need to go see them tomorrow. I hope I never see a child that close to death ever again.
But he came back.
and life is hopeful.

hard day

so I spent all afternoon at the Children's Hospital. My cousin Madison (who is 7 ) is in there. He went in for surgery this weekend for his kidney. He seemed fine and the surgery went well, until last night when he has a seizure and went into a coma. His brain stem is swollen and the doctors can't figure out why and are trying out treatments that may work but may make it worse. He is still in the ICU in a coma and is totally non-responsive. We are all just talking to him and hoping that he can hear us. This afternoon, the doctors decided that they wanted to take all precautions and so we had to wear masks and gowns just to be near him. Evie spent the afternoon with my dad so that I could be there.
What words are there to describe a situation like this?
There is nothing left except for God to move.

The Electric Version

So Evie started putting herself to sleep this weekend. We had a half hour disagreement on Friday about whether she was going to take a nap. (a disagreement includes her arching her back and using all of her strength to scream and try and wiggle out of my arms) So I decided to see if she would fall asleep on her own if I just laid her in her crib and said good night and left, and she did. So from then on she has fallen asleep on her own. Which is a good thing for me because that seemed to be the main struggle that would set off her day into disaster grumpy sparkle times. ( I am using the Japanese to English translation)
I also spent the day yesterday making baby food. We went to the farmers market and I cooked and pureed most of the afternoon and now Evie has peas, carrots, sweet potato, yams, broccoli, beans, and butternut squash to eat for the next little while. So far she has eaten peas, carrots and sweet potato and seems to like all three.
We went to get her six month shots on Friday and apparently she is in the 60th percentile for height and the 40th for weight. Even though she eats a lot it seems like it is just going to fuel her height.
She has also decided that even though she goes to bed at 9 pm, 6 am is a good time to get up. I don't know why she is not sleeping in anymore. But I am tired and I don't know how to get her to sleep longer. And when she wakes up so early she is grumpy all morning.
tired. must sleep longer.

that one's got some mustard on it

so I had two dreams last night. The first dream was a horrible nightmare that is not worth repeating and took me half an hour to fall asleep after the second dream was this-
I was in the basement in Trinity Lutheran Church in Brooks (this is the church which I grew up in until I was about 14) anyway the basement was pitch black but I could still see where I was but I was petrified, I mean really paralyzed by fear. I just stood in one spot in the dark and looked around and tried to listen for sound but it was quiet. I thought that I could get out of there if I just made a run for it. So I started running as fast as I could down the back hallway up the back staircase and through the library. I was going to run out the back door when I overshot my mark and ran into the sanctuary. I knew I was going to have to run back so I started running back but then was overcome with fear again and just sat down right beside the back door. I was paralyzed with fear again and could not move and just sat on the ground in the dark. Then I saw that there was a bunch of Evie's toys all around me and her diaper bag sat beside me empty. I told myself that I was not going to be afraid that I had to clean up Evie's toys and get the diaper bag together so I started to slowly reach for things and pack the bag as quietly as I could. Then I heard footsteps in the distance and as they got louder and louder my fear increased because I knew someone or something was in the building with me. Then I saw some legs and I looked up and it was Jeremy and he said ' Come on let's go, we'll get out of here' and he picked me up and helped me out the door, down the steps and into our car and we drove away.
so that was the end of the dream.
My dreams are usually quite vivid and I frequently have dreams that could be considered spiritual. In these dreams I am usually shown things for me or my family. God has shown me some things that I will never forget through these dreams. I am wondering what this dream is all about. I am really not quite sure. Some dreams seem obvious on the surface but then have some deeper meaning for some spiritual battle that is going on. Sometimes I have dreams that puzzle me and years later I will be shown what they mean. I guess I will just wait to see if it yields anything else to me other than confusion.

look I'm a Cylon babysitter!

this weekend was pretty good.
we had Kelsey over on Saturday night and we went out for dinner and then came back here for dessert. ( a lovely and delicious apple crisp if I do say so myself) and the Lar and Alex and Selah came over for dinner on Sunday. (a sumptuous meal of sweet curry chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, and veggies) ( I asked jerm if he thought about how lucky he was that he scored a girl who can cook, and tears welled up in his eyes and he said 'i love you, you make my life more than wonderful', ...um no that is not what happened ...he laughed and then said 'yeah you could of ended up cooking like me.' ) thanks anyway.

I have found myself very discontented living here in the suburbs of Calgary.Jerm and I have been talking a lot lately about what we want out of life (and it is not like we have not had these discussions many times before but things and people change, especially when you get married young and we always just want to be up to speed on these things about each other) But I feel like I have narrowed down what I want out of life to about three things.
I either want a simple life lived in the midst of community re: the only place we can get that is living in Duchess and I would not mind that for a few years at least until our kid (s) are done school but that is really not going to happen as per Jerm's job description.
or I want to live in the middle of the city where everything is going on and you feel as if you are a part of some larger stream of things and can get a pulse on what the mood and atmosphere is in the lager aspect of society (living in the burbs I get to see what other moms are up to and so far it seems that it is a competition of who has the cutest baby, most brand name baby products and stroller that cost at least $1000. yikes. )But the inner city is even more expensive than the suburbs. hummf.
or I want some adventure.
so Jerm and I have been looking into going away for 6 months to a year on some sort of humanitarian deal of a kind, and he is looking into overseas jobs. But it is a little more complicated with a baby. We have never been able to travel ( or really do what we want because we have always been in massive student loan and other debt, but that is about 90% paid off and will be totally paid off by the summer) so now we can do something because we will not have monthly payments to make. But if we go somewhere and Jerm works that is all well and good for him but what am I going to do all day long? If we are in a 1st world country that will be no problem Evie and I will just explore and hang out, but we can't do that in a developing nation and then what am I supposed to do? I can't just volunteer because I don't really have much free time during the day.

anyway so there are our three options. all of them impossible. or near impossible. But right now we have none of them. no community, no adventure and no inner city living. And I keep thinking we only have one life why waste even one more year somewhere where neither of us wants to be. we are just stuck and I am not sure what to do or where to go. I am feeling very unsatisfied with life in general at this point. It is hard to admit but I just don't know what to do.

and after all the tides have swallowed all the shore, I couldn't find you anymore

so far this blog has been pretty light, keep it happy keep it funny. But there are some things that I am dealing with right now that are not light.
Last time I had a blog I did some posts that were more along the lines of speculative thinking outside the box of mainstream 'christianity' and there was some backlash. That is to say, I was attacked out of the blue on someone elses blog (someone that I know), who also wrote an email to Jerm saying that I was pretty much going to destroy our marriage if I continued to believe these things. The fact that I was attacked really really impacted me. Anyway, I am now more hesitant to enter into anything deep or speculative. I am feeling pretty burned by this person and the whole situation in general. I am unsure if they read my blog anymore, but I suppose it does not really matter. What a mess, what a mess. In any case Jerm doesn't really talk to this person anymore, and it is not that he does not want a relationship it is because things are just kind of uncomfortable. (he says for his part he wants to but is not sure how to deal with the conflict here, I am sure that forgiveness and restoration is possible I just don't know how without dealing directly with the situation) I am at a loss at to what is appropriate in this situation. This whole situation would not even be worth mentioning, except to say that it did impact me and it is sort of a fear that resides in the back of my mind as I set out to write anything that may be the least bit 'ify'
well in any case now that it is on the table I feel like it is possible to at least be mostly honest on here. Keep in mind that the things I write and believe I never ask anyone else to believe but I think the questions need to be asked and there is nothing that I feel is too sacred to question.
well here goes at my attempt at being open.

schnooooooowwww!!!

so this was the view outside our back door this morning. I thought winter was over.
hahahaha ( diabolical laugh from winter)
how does it fool me every year?
oh winter. I have learned never to let my guard down around you. I hate you.
I hate you...no, um I mean ...um....
hahaa.hah (uneasy laugh) but really folks I have strong feelings toward this season that we find ourselves lingering in.
at least I got some good pictures ( note the new picture to your right)

and we're not having cold mush for lunch today...yay!!!...we're having warm mush

She eats!
I started feeding Evie some solids this week.
Well solids are a slightly exaggerated term for what she eats.
It is really closer to warm rice mush.
I'm thinking it might taste pretty special (that is for all you 'Suburban Souls' stars, fans, and creators out there)
Actually I tasted some and surprisingly it tastes exactly what you would think warm rice mush would taste like.


Here is Evie sitting in her new high chair

and here is the finished product


you may be thinking that Evie is a quick change artist but no, she is not. The last picture is from the second time she ate, thus the difference in clothes. I have also discovered that eating is done best in short sleeves.
well it is a start. In the next few weeks we will be building her mush repertoire adding such things as mushed squash, carrots, peas and maybe even beans.
what a lucky girl.

processing data as ones and zeros

Jerm and I went to a movie this afternoon. We saw Leatherheads (which I though had some funny moments, but was not at all as clever as it presumed to be [according to Jeremy]) we had some excellent babysitters come and take care of Evie (Thanks!) so we got some time to ourselves. It was so strange to go to the theater together. It seemed so normal, which was the strange part. It seemed too normal that it was just us. It is like I forgot that we had not done that in over 5 months. We used to go to the theater just about every weekend, and last summer when it was scorching and I was pregnant we used to go about twice a week just for the air conditioning. (I remember once it was so hot that as I was walking across the parking lot to get to the theater the asphalt in certain places was squishing under my sandal.) It was so strange to think that it is now not just us and that we come home to Evie.
It has been just us for so long that it felt for a second there that the world where Evie exists was just a dream and the the last year did not take place and that I would look at Jerm and we would both laugh and then I would wake up. very surreal. very, very surreal. But as I look over Jerm is on the couch with a baby sitting on his lap. What a strange world we live in. How things change so drastically and so fast.

are you talking to that octopus you are devouring?

so I was singing another little diddy that I made up a while ago. I made up this song when my little sister Charis was just a baby. So I thought I would share it here. I know that my dad is proud of my song witting abilities so I hope to impress him some more.
(this song is to she tune of 'the Spanish flea)

A little French mouse walked one day
in a little town down by the bay
the little French mouse saw some cheese
she said, 'bonjour, oh yes please!'
the little trap snapped on her neck
the little French mouse was no more
da na na na na na na na
da na na na na na na na

I didn't sing that song to her past the age of two so as to not scar her for the rest of her life.
But I sang it to Evie the other day and she really seemed to like it.

It ain't spinach baby.

well I thought I was allergic to spinach. It turns out that it is avocado.

I had a hamburger the other night and put a little bit of avocado on my bun and had the exact same gut ache. I thought little alien babies were trying to burst through my stomach.
oh avocado how could you do this to me?
I have loved you for only a short time, but it was love all the same.
so no more for me.
I am done with you.

Dear Avocado,
you are an avocado and I am a girl who cannot digest your goodness. I must leave you and never eat of you again.
we can not be friends.

goodbye

look in the tunk. I think he means trunk

oh yes. I stayed in Brooks for the week again. Lar was staying so on Easter Monday I decided that I did not feel like packing up and driving home so Jerm went back to Calgary for the week and I stayed. We went to a movie ( Horton hears a who) on Tuesday, swimming on Wednesday, and to Dinosaur park on Friday. My little sister Eden (who is three) got a new bike helmet and wore it all day Friday. So we walked around the museum with a little girl in a bike helmet. I love how kids can get away with that stuff. I was watching my niece Selah dance the other day and thought that the reason we think kids are so cute is because it is the only time that we can see behavior that is completely free from self and consciences. It is genuine human expression, free from constraint. Beautiful.
Evie sat through her first movie at the theater. She was completely mesmerized for half of it and asleep for the other half.
It was a pretty fun week.
She also learned to sit up on her own this past week.
horray!
Here is Evie sitting with Eden in her bed.












These two seem to have a lot of fun together. I think Eden may have a little shadow for the rest of her life.

Can you scratch my elbow?

So we got home last night at about 11 pm.
We thought that we would leave at 9 so that we would be leaving at Evie's bedtime and then she would sleep all the way home and just right to bed when we got home.
bad. idea.
she slept all the way home.
it was the rest of the night that she didn't.
Jerm finally got her to bed at about 3 am.
I had given up at about 2 am.
but for some reason he said he was not tired so he stayed up.
and then she decided to get up at 7:30 this morning.
oh for the love of fort steel.

a nap, a nap, my kingdom for a nap!

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they eat their chicken

Yesterday was the Good Friday service. Its really hard to be contempletive during communion with a five month old on your lap. The catchline for the sermon was 'it is friday but sunday is coming. ' It was repeated about oh lets say... 36 times. I know that the pre-teen boys behind us really enjoyed it because they kept whispering among themselves 'alright its friday we know already...oh and sundays commin' It made me laugh. All in all it was a beautiful morning. I love coming home and feeling like I belong. I love knowing that there are more than at least 15 people in the congregation I related to in some way or another. I love being known. I love home.
The other thing I was thinking about was that although 'it is friday but sunday is coming' I thought there is beauty is just sitting in friday. Its friday, be still and understand what friday is all about.
It is also difficult to do that with a five month old.
I guess my contepetive life will just have to wait a little while.
which makes my heart hurt.

live from somewhere between brooks and duchess its....easter weekend!

so I went grocery shopping with my mom today and we ran into my mom's mom's cousin. (my grandma's cousin for all those who are genealogically impaired) and she asked if me and my younger sister (who is 20) were helping mom out at the grocery store and we smiled and said yes, then she leaned in and asked us if the Easter bunny had come for us yet. um...the Easter bunny has not come for about 17 years. I think he forgot where I lived. Anyway Aunt Bernice just smiled and said that he will probably come tomorrow. Yaay!!!! The Easter bunny is coming tomorrow!! (well according to my 80 year old aunt)
The lady at the checkout was orange. Literally. Hair, skin, nails, lips (well no her lips were bright pink I think that it was a last ditch effort to look like she had not spent the last 45 years stuck in a tanning bed)
what a town, what a town.

in other news my little sister Charis said that church this morning was like a time out. Yeah I think she had a good time.

take you by the left leg and throw you down the stairs.

that is always something my Grandpa would say to me as a little girl then he would pick me up and pretend to throw me down the stairs.
no, my Grandfather is not a sadistic man who throws little girls down staircases. It was really quite a fun game at the time.
anyway the laptop is back from the Shop of the future. (Future shop) and let me tell you if that store is a herald of the future, then it is a bleak one. Well bleak as far as customer service goes.
so expect more posts now that I don't have to trudge down the stairs to the other computer in the 'basement office' ( that is what Jeremy calls it anyway.) sad. sad. sad.

swimming, spinach salad,steak, splenda, and the 9 hour stomach ache

well yesterday was a bust. We did have a fun morning, Larissa and I took Evie and Selah swimming and then we came back here for lunch. I made a really good spinach salad with steak on top all was good until 2 that afternoon.....dun dun dun. Last week I had two huge gut aches, they both fell on the days when I ate spinach salad. But on those days I happened to have had starbucks coffee as well so I thought it was the coffee. Well it looks like I am allergic to spinach. I had a stomach ache that felt like alien babies were trying to break out of my gut for about 9 hours. I finally went away and i am feeling much better. Well I guess I will never be eating that again. again. ever ever again.

they've all gone to look for america

There has not been time this week to sit down and rest my weary thoughts. The good news is that I bought a car charger so I have been driving around all week trying to charge my phone. I am glad that my mom is coming to Calgary tomorrow so that I can get my other charger back.

In other news I have been feeling so restless and stuck lately. I spent the week in Brooks last week and it was good to be home. I love to be home but I hate Brooks. I think I would move home if my family was not from such a stinky town. (literally) But on the other hand I love being there. I love being able to see people and be surrounded by my family and Jeremy's family. I would love to feel at home in the town I live in. I would love to go to a church where there is genuine community and we are known and loved. It is so hard to go back to calgary and be alone just me and Evie all day long for most of the days. I want to belong. I want to feel like I am home. I want something else.
I am stuck because Jeremy could never find a job in his specific field anywhere but a major center (Vancouver, Calgary, Ottawa etc.) and I am not moving to any of those other places. I would never ask him to give up what he loves to do for a living. (Or what he went to university for 5 years for and worked for another 4 to get his Peng. ) But in Calgary we never get ahead. The cost of living has really for all intents and purposes doubled in the last 5 years. The average price of a house had more than doubled. So no matter how many raises he gets it seems like we are always just above the water. I am tired to living like in a place that makes it seem like everyone has everything yet I can't imagine how anyone lives in this city. Jerm is a professional and make really really good money and yet the thought of getting into a $400,000 mortgage makes me want to sit down and cry. And the strange thing is that in this city you can get a shack for 275,000 or a really nice house for 350,00 to 400,000. So there is no winning.
frick , frick , frick, here come the fricks,
It seems like we can't live how we want.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Airborne Settlement:

The makers of Airborne vitamin supplement have agreed to a $23.3 million class action settlement for false advertising. Though it's now marketed as nothing more than an immune booster, the manufacturer used to advertise Airborne could prevent or cure the common cold, despite the lack of any real clinical evidence for such claims. Airborne's makers did not make any concession of wrongdoing, though they will pay for ads telling consumers how to seek refunds. They've already launched a website with settlement details here.

The settlement may not end Airborne's legal difficulties, however, as the Federal Trade Commission and several state attorneys general are continuing to investigate the company's claims. For the time being, however, marketing experts apparently believe Airborne sales will remain strong.

yes sales of airborne will remain strong because I will buy every last tiny effervescent pill they sell.
I love this stuff and I think it works it has helped me fend off at least 4 to 5 colds this year alone. You can only get it in the USA so whenever my dad goes there he buys it by the boat load. humfff.

Oh well. I guess we will have to see what the American drug market comes up with next as the great miracle cure.

Kippers for breakfast, is it St. Swimmings day already?

where do I get get my titles? Well that is a special process requiring 12 secret spices slow roasted to perfection... um no.. that's KFC. hmmm. Well this one was a quote from the Simpsons. The last one was something my mom said, some others are Jeremy said. One is a quote from the office. that is about it. Whatever phrase pops into my head at time.
And what dear friends does 'Mostly Nakers' mean?....well nakers is what we call Evie when she has no clothes on. Evie your nakers! And I guess the 'mostly' refers to what I am willing to share here I am willing to be exposed but not all the way, this is after all a public forum. So I am not nakers I am mostly nakers.
There I hope I have answered your questions and brought a little ray of light into your day.

His name was Lawrence, he worked there forever and he had a ring on every finger.

Well we successfully made it back from brooks in one piece. Well almost one piece. I left my phone charger there.
this was my conversation with Jeremy this morning.

Did you remember to pack the phone charger?
the phone charger?
yeah cause I can't find it.
no I don't think...
click.

and that was the end of my phone.
so Evie and I went for a walk.

are you going to tell me that Stevie Wonder doesn't love his wife just because he is unsure of what she looks like?

Today my mom was talking on the phone with my sister and she (my sister) mentioned the singer Carrie Underwood and my mom said " Oh, isn't she the one that sings 'Jesus at the wheel?'"
I laughed for a while (about half an hour) then promptly wrote this song (to the tune of the song Jesus take the wheel)

Jesus at the wheel
everybody run
I think he's unlicensed.

Jesus at the wheel
everybody hide
you should all get inside.

glass of water crust of bread

if she doesn't eat with me she doesn't eat at all!

apparently according to facebook I am the Disney princess Belle. Which is a good think because Belle seems to be the most pragmatic and levelheaded of all the princesses. And you know, if you are going to be a Disney Princess pragmatism seems to be one of the most desired qualities, that and a great singing voice, also you need the ability to write instant songs about your emotional status, and oh... you should have a pretty good rack as well.

taste in my mouth

I did not want to put on my profile that I am a mom. It seems that the word is an all encompassing catastrophic smotherer of my other attributes as a human being. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and taking care of Evie. It brings me more joy that I could ever communicate here. But the connotation of saying "I'm a mom" hold so much negativity for me that I don't know what to do with it. For the most part I run in the opposite direction of the labels that people try to give me. There is something about being labeled that makes my insides burn. I can label myself but don't anyone else do it. I am more than a mom. I am more than the narrow label our society gives that word. I am Kristin. I am who I chose to be. I am sure other mothers feel this way too. and maybe because I am such a new mom I have not come to peace about what that word will really mean for me and for Evie and for any other children we have. I have hope that I will feel my way through this like I do most other things in life. As I write this there is a wiggly baby sitting on my lap gumming my arm and reaching for the keyboard. I suppose this a glimpse into how I will define motherhood in my life. I am the person that I always have been. Thinking, feeling, serious, analytical, joyful, loving but all these things hidden. Now my greatest joy, love and inspiration is sitting here visible on my lap for all the world to see.

oww my freakin' ears!

you expect that kind of filth at Denny's, but here?

actually my arm hurts today. I got my tetanus booster shot yesterday when Evie got her 4 month shots.
my arm feels like a thousand children with a thousand tiny fists poked me for a 24 hour period. Yes that is exactly what it feels like, stupid arm.
well on the other hand Evie did well with her shots and seems to be feeling better this afternoon.
Last night on the other hand.
She woke up a 4 am.
which is odd because everyday she sleeps solid from 9:30-6:30 which is pretty good for me but last night i found myself watching 'the mom show' at 4:30 in the morning. I know why they put that show on at that hour, it is because that is when most moms are up wishing they were in bed exactly like the perfect moms on that bloody TV show most certainly are.
and then i discovered that we were out of diapers so we went to superstore at 8:30 this morning.
and then Evie threw up all over her exersaucer when we got home.
All my careful planning is gone to waste!
my day is going well.
all I am waiting for is goats to break into my house and chew off my legs. Yes that would just about complete my day.

Evie I am a big blue bumblebee!

Today was a better day. Jerm gave me the night off last night and took Evie and I took a long bath and went to bed. It is amazing what a long bath and a long sleep will do for your outlook on life. It seems that exhaustion builds up and up and then I have a day like I did yesterday with no energy and contentment for life, but then somehow I bounce back and I become myself again.
Evie and I tried to go swimming this morning but it turns out that the swimming pool is the latest victim of Calgary's staff shortages. Apparently there was only two lifeguards and the pool was full. booearns. So we wandered around Cardel place and went to the library and read some books. I guess Evie better get used to spending time in the library because that is one of Jeremy's favorite places. It is funny how kids tend to get dragged to the places and activities that their parents like and participate in. I remember spending hours and hours in the freaking fabric store and to this day whenever I pass one I shudder. I guess that is why I will never sew more than a button on a shirt. I guess Evie is lucky that we like libraries an swimming pools. On the other hand she will probably be sick of Starbucks by the time she is old enough to order her very own tall caramel macchiato to be just like her addicted mommy.

hard day

I woke up exhausted today and not ready to face the world
there seemed to be a familiar heaviness and sadness moving around with me today
an anxiety in my chest
an impatience in my dealings with Evie.
luckily it was a day where she needed naps and slept a lot of the day
I get these days every once in a while.
dead days
sad days
anxious day
money, my weight, living in Calgary where buying a house (which we are saving to do) is taking years longer and getting more expensive by the month
there is nothing I want yet I crave everything
something to fill this hole where my hope has left me

commitment issues

so it looks like I have blogger commitment issues.
I attempting to work through these and blogger seems to be willing to forgive and help us move on. After all it did give me a new template.
I love a fresh start.