This is not the first time I have lost
my mother
I remember you sleeping on the couch
downstairs in the basement
unable to get up
to live
to care
to give
to think about anything but your
ill planned escape
your destruction of our world
because you are sick
I understand now that you have
been sick my whole life, and long before
borderline personality disorder
you have a name
the person you become when you
die
and are no longer my mom
no longer the person who looks on me with love
with grace
with a desire to do what is good for
the children you have brought into the world
the family you hold the power to destroy
and do
because you are broken
and I see it now
But what little girl, teenager, and even
adult can really understand
this disease
this deficiency
this total madness
